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It was great seeing those witty atheist quotes causing a stir in the May meet up. By popular demand, I've stolen the quotes to repost on the skeptics' message board. For those who weren't there, I'm conducting a survey of the wittiest atheist quotes to print on t-shirts.

Please vote for your, say ten, favourite quote(s), which will eventually be printed on t-shirts. Feel free to suggest your own smart arse quotes. Thanks.

1. If the rapture comes, can I have your car?

2. Hell - It's not the heat - It's the humidity.

3. God was my co-pilot, but we crashed into a mountain and I had to eat him.

4. Give me some of that old-time Religion...HAIL ZEUS!

5. Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich

6. Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney.

7. Jesus loves me... but I still make him wear a condom.

8. If I want religion, I'll just turn on the TV early in the morning, after the Girls Gone Wild commercials, but before the cartoons and crappy judge shows.

9. What Would Jesus Do? Nothing, he's dead.

10 Jesus loves me... but I just want to be friends.

11. Garbage In - Gospel Out

12. Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his death meaningless by not committing them?

13. I think I'll believe in Gosh instead of God. If you don't believe in Gosh too, you'll be darned to heck.

14. Dear Jesus, please save me from your followers.

15. I'm a Sunday School dropout.

16. When Jesus got fragged it took him three days to respawn. Now that's what I call lag!

17. God made me an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom.

18. The fool says in his heart: 'There is no God.' The Wise Man says it to the world.

19. They tell me Jesus is coming... should I spit or swallow?

20. Pass the Word of God: Eat a Bible.

21. Jesus was nailed to the cross... Mary was nailed by God.

22. The inmates find him when they check in, and lose him when they check out. Jesus must be in jail.

23. Man needs God like a fish needs a bicycle.

24. Thank God I'm an atheist.

25. In God we rust.

26. Blasphemy is a blast for me.

27. If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!

28. If you ask the wrong questions you get stupid answers like '42' or 'God'.

29. And lo, Jesus did say unto the soldiers "Not the OTHER hand. Ow shit, that hurts! You assholes!"

30. Where the quest for knowledge ends, religion begins.

31. Why be born again, when you can just grow up?

32. Trying to find God is a good deal like looking for money one has lost in a dream.

33. We do not want holy books, but true ones; not sacred writings, but sensible writings.

34. To build one house for man is better than to build a dozen houses to God.

35. The hands that help are better far than the lips that pray.

36. Selling eternal life is a great business - no customers ever ask for their money back after the goods are not delivered.

37. I don't really miss God but I sure miss Santa Claus!

38. Religions change - beer remains.

39. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

40. Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

41. Catholicism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

42. Prayer is like a pump in an empty well, it makes lots of noise, but brings no water.

43. A dogma is the hand of the dead on the throat of the living.

44. It is easier to believe that a man is honest who says the Bible is the word of God than to believe that he is bright.

45. If the Bible is telling the truth, then God is either untruthful or incompetent. If God is truthful, then the Bible is either untruthful or erroneous.

46. If the Bible and my brain are both the work of the same Infinite God, whose fault is it that the book and my brain do not agree?

47. If there be gods we cannot help them, but we can assist our fellow-men. We cannot love the inconceivable, but we can love wife and child and friend.

48. If a plane crashes and 99 people die while 1 survives, it is called a miracle. Should the families of the 99 think so?

49. If atheism is a religion, then bald is a hair colour.

50. If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to GIRLS sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such. ~Homer Simpson

51. If Dracula comes I'll hold up the cross... coz he's allergic to bullshit. ~Richard Pryor

52. I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty! ~John Waters

53. When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ~Matt Groening

54. I view my fellow man not as a fallen angel, but as a risen ape. ~Desmond Morris

55. With soap, baptism is a good thing. ~Ingersoll

56. I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it. ~George Carlin

57. All bibles are man-made. ~Thomas Edison

58. Lighthouses are more helpful than churches. ~Benjamin Franklin

59. A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. ~Nietzsche

60. For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten. ~Ecclesiastes 9:5

61. Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest. ~Ecclesiastes 9:10

62. Proverbs 14:15 - The simple believeth every word.

63. Godless and Happy !

64. I like to keep my mind open, just not to the point my brain would fall out.

65. I find Jesus ! He was hiding behind the couch....

66. Guns kills, so does religions.

67. Tell me who you worship and I'll tell you what a prat you are.

68. God or tumour, both ways you'll hear voices...

69. Goddamned me, seriously.

70. I was touched by Jesus (filthy bastard)

71. Philosophy is questions which may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.

72. Jesus Saves!!! And only takes half damage!!!

73. God is a lie.

74. With a friend like God, who needs enemies?

75. Pay your taxes Jesus!!!!

76. Jesus saves. What with the current rate of income tax?

77. God made me an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom?

78. God chose me to be an atheist. Trust Her.

79. No Gods Now - Ask Me How

80. The Lord is my Shepherd
- and tonight he dines on Lamb

81. Entropy requires no maintenance

82. Question Everything, and seek your own Light

83. Disobedience was man's Original Virtue

84. One hour of thinking is worth more than one year of meditation

85. Their arguments, not being based in reason, cannot be swayed by reason

86. Puritanism is the haunting fear that somebody, somewhere, might be having a
good time

87. In your heart you know its flat

88. IT IS MY FIRM BELIEF THAT IT IS A MISTAKE TO HOLD FIRM BELIEFS

89. Study Demonology With An Enemy This Sunday

90. ILLUMINATE THE OPPOSITION!

91. Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it

92. It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no
god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
-- Thomas Jefferson

93. The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclusively for them that believe in it. Further, the lowest rung of Hell is reserved for them that believe in it on the supposition that they'll go there if they don't.
-- HBT; The Gospel according to Fred, 3.1

94. God has no right to appear to mankind except in the form of bread.
-- Mahatma Gandhi

95. "The gods have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight."

Tom, you are a treasure. I think you remember my favourite; Jesus is coming.....ha ha!

Catholicism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

I think that even catholics could laugh at that one.... well perhaps only lapsed catholics.

All very funny.